Monday, November 12, 2012

Avery's Birth

I have been wanting to blog everyday for the past three weeks!! I knew I needed to blog sooner vs. later so I wouldn't forget even a second of bringing Avery into this world. Finally I am taking a few minutes to type everything out. As many of you know, I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes when I was about 28 weeks pregnant or so. For some reason I just knew that GD was something I was going to have to deal with and had a bad feeling that I would have it all along. I am glad to say that I was probably the one of the most easiest cases for my doctors to deal with! My sugar levels were never out of the normal range and I didn't really change my diet all that much. I was able to see a specialist every couple of weeks and see my baby girl on ultrasound just as much! Not only were my sugar levels normal, but I was carrying a small baby. This is not typical of GD babies. They are usually measuring in the 85% for weight and above and my baby was in the 30% up until the end of my pregnancy. The specialist was adamant that we induce by 40 weeks because when you have GD your placenta can stop doing its job if you wait much longer and it is better for the baby to be out of the womb vs. wait. For this reason, my specialist and OB decided to schedule an induction.

So scheduling the induction was ridiculous. At 38 weeks I went to an appointment and the doctor that I was supposed to see had an emergency c-section so I saw a midwife. This was the appointment that I was supposed to schedule my induction with. I asked the midwife and she said that they would start working on scheduling with the hospital the following morning. I called the following day and they had not called the hospital yet. This went on for two more days when finally I was told that the midwife was supposed to do an exam to see if I was dilating at all, and did not. I had to go back to the doctor a couple of days later to be checked and I was 1 centimeter dilated and 80% effaced. Not much happening. My doctor said that the induction scheduling process had become very difficult with the hospital and he would try to get me in as soon as possible. This was Tuesday, October 16th. They called on Thursday the 18th and said that the first opening they had was Monday, the 22nd but would try to fit me in earlier if they could. We waiting for a phone call over the weekend and never heard back so Monday it was!

I was told to call at 5:00 on Monday evening to see when they wanted me to come in. I called and was told to be there at 6:30! Nick and I loaded the car right away and went and got some dinner in the little bistro at the hospital. It was a weird feeling to be there knowing that the next day I would have a baby! I was super nervous about the whole process. We made our way to Labor and Delivery and got all checked in. Within a couple of hours they started me on the drug Cytotec which would begin to soften my cervix. I was still only one centimeter no changes in almost a week. Cytotec is given every 4 hours if needed to soften the cervix. Most people only need 2 to 3 doses, but you can have up to four. After my first dose I was not feeling contractions and no changes were made so they gave me my second dose. After the second dose, I started feeling contractions and they were able to show me on the monitor when I was having one! I did not need another dose of Cytotec. I felt my contractions all night long and didn't get a whole lot of sleep. They also were checking my vitals frequently, so it was pretty difficult to sleep. The nurse offered me Ambien, but then began to tell stories about how it affected patients and the crazy things they did. I politely declined after that (-:

The next morning at around 8:00 am, they started Pitocin. They checked me again and said that Cytotec did its job beautifully and my cervix was soft, but I had only dilated to 2 centimeters at this point. The Pitocin kicked in pretty quick and a couple hours later they broke my water. I was beginning to feel contractions pretty regularly at this point so I went ahead and had my epidural. I was checked again around 10:00 and I dilated to 3 centimeters. The epidural worked for a few hours and I was able to fall asleep at this point for a little bit. When I woke up, I did NOT feel well at all. They were taking my temp regularly and realized at about this time that I had a temperature of 100.5. They weren't very concerned right away until Avery's heartbeat began to climb close to 200 bpm. I began antibiotics and Tylenol and my temp would drop but then rise again. My doctor came in and I was feeling better and just knew that it would be down. It was 102.5! At this point she looked at me and said that I had a Uterine infection. What?!? She said this happens about 50% of the time and we just needed to work on getting my temp down. I was continuing to dilate and my epidural was NOT working. They redosed me about 3 times and it was not helping at all. My contractions were close and painful and by early evening I dilated to 8 centimeters. When my doctor checked me around this time, she noticed that my cervix was off to the side and still pretty high. She wanted to do an ultrasound to check it out. This is when we realized that Avery was facing up. She was head down, but sunny side up!

My doctor at this point told us that with her facing up, my fever, and her heart rate going up and down, that I might have to have a c-section. Before we would go that route, she wanted to try to turn Avery. Now remember that I have a fever and feeling pretty awful at this point after being in labor for almost 24 hours. She tried to turn Avery and it was unbelievably painful! She felt sure that it worked and did another ultrasound. It did not work. At this point it was shift change for nurses and this sweet little nurse said that they should try raising one of my legs at my head and continued to explain another way that they could turn Avery...

This is when I looked at the doctor and very politely said that I was DONE. I could not go through that again and then possibly a few more hours of labor and THEN pushing. I was done. My doctor agreed that it was time for a c-section. This process began quickly and there were lots of people in the room getting things ready to go! I was drained and just going through the motions at this point. Before I knew it we were being rolled to the OR! They got me on the table, put the curtain up in front of my, and began the operation! For some reason at this point I became very uneasy. My arms were tied down, I couldn't feel anything or move, and it really bothered me. Thankfully it was so fast and before I knew it I heard the sweet cries of miss Avery! I began to calm down at this point and Nick brought his phone over to show me a picture. I couldn't believe how beautiful she was! My doctor sewed me up and they rolled me back to my room. During recovery time I was able to hold my sweet girl. Everything that I went through to get her here safely didn't matter anymore. She was here and perfectly healthy!

We stayed in the hospital for four nights. I had to be on antibiotics for 48 hours to make sure my fever did not come back. My fever went down through the first night and did not return thank goodness! They checked Avery's sugar levels a couple of times while we were there and they were perfect. Mine were fine as well! C-Section recovery really hasn't been that bad! I never needed the strong drugs, only Ibuprofen. I am still sore, but my incision looks really good. I am just trying to let things heal in their time and not over do it.

I can't begin to explain how blessed Nick and I feel to have her. The past few years have been so rough, but God has given us the most precious gift! I love to just look at all of her little features and watch her change everyday. I honestly can't get over how beautiful she is. She definitely has my eyes, but I do see a lot of her daddy too. Most say she looks just like me and I will take it (-; Thank you all so much for your prayers, kind words, and so much more over the past few years as we have waited for God's perfect timing in having a child. Now she is here and the fun begins!

Friday, August 31, 2012

33 Weeks

I am a terrible blogger! Ugh. I so wanted to do better with this pregnancy and blogging, but the first half I was sick as a dog and the second half I just didn't feel like it...hah! Just wanted to update you on some things as we are turning that corner and moving into the last few weeks of pregnancy!!!

* At 29 weeks or so I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. The weird thing? I haven't changed my diet really at all, and my sugar levels have been normal. I visit a maternal fetal specialist every two weeks to show them my sugar chart (I have to check it 4 times a day...) and we get to have an ultrasound to see how Avery is growing! One danger with GD is that the baby can grow to be rather large. She is just fine and measuring right on track!

* At 31 weeks Avery measured 3 lbs 8oz! She is growing and growing!!

* I have felt fine and things are going great with the pregnancy! Since starting back to work, I have seen a little swelling in my feet and ankles and a little bit of pressure every now and then. Of course there is the whole not sleeping well, tossing and turning, and trying to get comfortable at night...but that just goes with the territory. My blood pressure is looking great!

* Avery is quite the little mover! Some of her movements are starting to feel uncomfortable as she grows and runs out of room in there. I know I will miss feeling her flipping around and kicking me (-: Weirdly enough she is very still when Nick tries to feel her. I mean she will be bouncing around and the minute he puts his hand on my stomach she stops! It's so weird!

* I have gained around 9-10 lbs now. I definitely hope to stay under 20!! I know the last few weeks can bring on the pounds though...

* We have had two baby showers with two more to go! We are getting the things we need and it is exciting!! I have another shower next weekend that my best friend Lindsey is hosting and then one for work that my lovely teammates and friends are hosting.

*Avery's room is coming together!! I put the bedding on the crib last weekend, hung up and put clothes away in the closet and drawers, and just need to do some washing this weekend! I ordered her name to be painted in letters by a very talented friend and can't wait to get them up on the wall! My cousin Chelsey and her husband gave us a printed wall decal with the verse from 1 Samuel 1:27 that says, "For this child I have prayed; and the Lord has granted me the desires of my heart". I can't wait to have it up as well! We are too scared to mess it up and haven't attempted yet (-:

We have certainly been very blessed in this pregnancy and continue to pray that God will continue to take good care of all of us until she arrives in October!

Monday, July 2, 2012

24 Weeks

Today marks a big day for this pregnancy...for me anyway! All along I have set milestones. Because I found out SO early (less than four weeks), I kept telling myself, "If I can just make it to week __".  The first was 5 weeks, then 7, then 10, 12, 15, 20, and now 24! I am not quite sure what my next one is?? I am thinking 28.  I am not as fearful anyone of losing Avery, now it's turned into a fear of what could happen if I do go into pre-term labor. It's always something!!! I have anxiety of the nursery being nowhere close to being done, not having the furniture we need, blah, blah, blah. All along I have to tell myself that this worry that I feel is ridiculous and God has been so good to us. I have to trust His plan.

On another note the summer is half way over )-: I am also having a lot of anxiety about going back to work. I so wish we had the means for me to stay home. I want so much to be able to not stress, get ready for this baby, and know that I won't have to go back to the grind of teaching once she is here. Wishful thinking I know. It's just a dream for now!

Pregnancy wise I am doing pretty good! The nausea stopped at about 19 weeks, but soon after I started coughing my head off and haven't stopped since. Yep, I have been coughing for over a month now! Talk about miserable. I have been to the doctor twice and everything they have suggested hasn't worked. I just don't know! I go to the OBGYN on Thursday and plan to talk to them about it then. I seem to be doing some growing in the tummy department over the past couple of weeks and can feel Avery what seems like ALL the time! Just yesterday I was able to feel her from the outside with my hand on my stomach. I'm hoping Nick can feel her soon! I know he really wants too (-:

We have the nursery all cleaned out and I plan on painting in the next week! I can't wait to have the paint up on the walls! Then will come figuring out furniture and getting what we do have put up! Exciting! I find myself really wanting to get things as organized as we can before I go back to work. I just know how exhausted I am going to be coupled with how much Nick just makes sense to get what we can done in the next 5 weeks!

I am so thankful for this time off from work! We just got back from a wonderful vacation with my family and had such a good time. It is always so bittersweet for it to end and I miss them so much already! I plan to spend as much time as possible relaxing and taking the rest of this summer all in.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

14 Weeks and NIAW

Well..I have definitely been a slacker with blogging...

I am going to blame it on the fact that I can barely keep my eyes open in the afternoons and at night, and I feel like I will puke as well. This week is National Infertility Awareness Week and I really feel like I need to give it the attention it deserves. I know many of you may be thinking, "But you are not infertile; you're pregnant??" While that is SO very true it took me awhile and a lot of struggle to get here. A common phrase amongst us that have suffered loses and had trouble getting pregnant is, "Once an infertile, always an infertile." 

I will not tell my story again, as most of you know it. If you do not, please go back to the first several posts on this blog and that I will help ya out. I do want to bring to light a couple of other stories. The first is a person that I do not know, but I have read her blog over the past year. Boy has she been through it! Not only has she suffered miscarriage, but has delivered 3 children that did not make it. The first was about a year ago, a little girl she named Ava. She went into labor too early and this little one was too tiny and born too soon to make it. Most recently she has been pregnant with twin girls that she lost at 16 weeks as she went into premature labor and again they were born too soon to make it. Could you imagine? Three babies in a year? What is amazing is that she has the sweetest spirit and is so positive through all of that hurt. My heart has been completely broken for a women that I do not know, and her three babies gone too soon.

I know you make think I am crazy, but I have watched Giuliana and Bill (a reality show on Style I believe) ever since I found out that she too struggled with infertility. There is something that made me connect with her story and I was hooked. Giuliana Rancic is a reporter for E! News by the case you didn't know (-: Giuliana and her husband tried naturally for a few years and then decided to try IUI which failed, and a few rounds of IVF where she did become pregnant but miscarried, and then overstimulated with another cycle. As she was getting ready to try another IVF cycle she found out she had breast cancer and just had a double mastectomy. Right before her surgery, they decided to go with a gestational carrier as it was be extremely dangerous for her to undergo fertility treatments for several years. They happened to have 2 embryos left that they had frozen so were able to go this route. Her surgery was successful and they found out around New Years that the implantation worked and they are pregnant! Well, her surrogate is pregnant with their baby (-: 

These two stories stuck out in my mind this week as I am reflecting on my current blessing and also thinking about the past. Man, I could have had it so much worse. I am no where near out of the woods in my mind. I worry everyday if my baby's heart is still beating and won't really feel better until this little one is crying in my arms. You may think  that is crazy talk, but those feelings are true and probably won't go away. When I decided to "come out" with my story, it was not an easy decision. No one talks about it! I can't tell you how many people have contacted me to thank me for sharing...that it helps them and they hope to share one day. I too was that girl, but something clicked and I knew I had to talk about it publicly. 

I can't believe that here I am, 14 weeks pregnant, and everything is going so well! Of course now i'm freaking out that I said that as I go to the doc tomorrow and of course am nervous about it as usual. I'm just thankful for everyday, every moment, that I am pregnant. To God be the glory.

How am I feeling these days? Praying that I am very close to being able to eat again. Thankfully I feel ok at work and lunch is not much a problem. Breakfast is a bit tricky and dinner is a joke! I am still losing weight as of now, but it won't be too long before that ends I'm sure. My belly is definitely growing and feels very firm. I am still exhausted most of the time, but have felt that ease up a bit. All of my clothes still fit fine and some of my pants are a little loose..I will let you know tomorrow how the little one is doing (-:

If you are reading this blog post and have suffered a loss or are having trouble conceiving, I pray that you will share your story with someone this week. Ask them for their prayers and open up in some way. Even if it is to a husband that may not fully understand how you feel. Just talk about it. Just this once. I think it will help!

Say a prayer for us tonight as we go to check on the babe in the morning (-:

Thursday, March 29, 2012

10 Weeks

Well I was just as nervous today as I was for my first ultrasound!!

We got there right at 2 and had to wait about 20 minutes to be called back. I had to pee in a cup, check my weight, and my blood pressure. My blood pressure was a little low as usual and I had lost almost 10 pounds since the last visit...


I guess not eating much and feeling yucky will do that to ya, huh?

Next we had to wait a million years for the dreaded pap smear. That was terrible as usual. My doctor asked how I was feeling or if I had any questions and my first one was, "When is my ultrasound??". He just laughed and said that he knew I was going to ask that and normally they do not do one at this appointment...


He said it was no problem, but I might have to wait a little while and we both agreed that would be fine.

 We waiting a bit for my bloodwork and after that it felt like an eternity for the ultrasound. When we were finally called back (probably an hour after my bloodwork), the ultrasound tech asked if everything was ok, as she "just saw me the other day". We were like...huh? It's been four weeks! She called the doc and he just said it was because we requested it and no other reason. Weird.

The ultrasound was quick and went very well! We are measuring exactly 10 weeks and the heartbeat was nice and strong at 178!! At the last ultrasound the heartbeat was 138...what a difference!

There's our little one at 10 weeks! Keep growing baby!

I can honestly say we are feeling pretty blessed right now! God is SO good to us and always has been, even in the tough times.Thank you Lord!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

A Week From Today

A week from today I get a peak at the babe to hopefully see he or she growing like a weed!

A week from today I will be a nervous wreck driving my husband nuts as we make our way to the appointment.

A week from today I pray that babe will be right on track with a nice strong heartbeat.

A week from today I pray that my nerves are calmed when we see that wiggly baby on the ultrasound.

But what if we don't?

If we don't, God is still sovereign and very much in control.

I will praise Him anyway.

You may think I'm nuts to already be nervous about an appointment a week away, but the truth is I was nervous when I stepped out of my last appointment knowing we would be back in 3 weeks to check on the progress.

Oh, the life of someone with multiple pregnancy loss. My. brain. never. stops.

God I pray for my fears and know that you hold this pregnancy in the palm of Your hands. How comforting to know You are in charge and not I!

I am strong. All because of You. I stand in awe, of every mountain that You move. For I am changed, yesterday is gone. I am safe from this moment on. And there's no fear when the night comes round'. I'm in better hands now.

Pray for us!

(lyrics by Natalie Grant - In Better Hands Now)

Saturday, March 17, 2012

8 1/2 Weeks

I've been a terrible blogger lately! I will blame it on the nagging nausea and exhaustion I feel after a long day of teaching. I cannot keep my eyes open! Working out has gone on hold for a couple of weeks so I can just function and sleep a little in the afternoons. It's just necessary right now!

I am still dealing with the same symptoms and learning to deal with the nausea. It isn't constant, and the busier I am, the more I can forget about it. The afternoons are the hardest, but I have learned to eat a snack and then snooze it off for a bit.

I can deal with the symptoms all day long. What I struggle most with is the fact that I can't have an ultrasound everyday to check on this little one (-; It is just hard for me to think that everything is happening as it should, ya know? I am trying though. It would be a lot easier if I could just hire my own personal ultrasound tech to live here and check up on the babe every day (-:

So many things to be thankful for that is for sure! I just pray that my mind is calmed and I am able to feel peace about this pregnancy until my next ultrasound! (March 29)

Thank you Lord for your many blessings! Thank you for the wonderful people in my life that have wrapped me in prayer for SO long. What a journey it is!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

First Ultrasound (-:

So today I was a hot mess. All day long. Not to mention I had to teach four one hour rotations back to back for writing boot camp and it is so exhausting! As it was getting closer, my nerves were working me over for sure. All I could think about was what has happened in the past. I mean it is all I know! I am not used to good news, it just doesn't seem to be for me!

I probably drove Nick crazy as we got closer to the hospital and even more so during our 45 minute wait to see the ultrasound tech. As the ultrasound started I pretty much held my breath. She told me to relax and before I knew it, I heard a heartbeat and saw our baby right where it was supposed to be! What a relief!

Praise God! We are thrilled! Our doctor was super excited and very impressed with the heartbeat (138) and ultrasound. I am measuring right at 7 weeks which is what I thought. I am not going off of my period date because I ovulated WAY late in my cycle.

Due date is October 25th!

I go back at the end of the month for all the bloodwork and another ultrasound. I can rest a little easier...but not much easier (-;

Thank you Lord for Your many blessings and thank you friends for your continued love, prayers, and support. You are the best!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Tomorrow is the BIG day!

I can't believe March 6th is here (tomorrow).

Tomorrow I have an ultrasound to hopefully show a little blueberry (size of the baby right now) growing and a heart beating.

What if it doesn't?

I am pretty scared to say the least.

Please pray that no matter what shows up on the ultrasound, that we remember God is in complete control.

We are hopeful, but we havc been here before and of course know what can happen.

Tomorrow I will be 7 weeks and 3 days. We are praying to see growth past seven weeks. That has never happened with us before.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. They are certainly not taken for granted.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Sweet Pea

So today my baby is the size of a pea! How precious is that?!? In my first pregnancy, I remember reading books that would compare the size of the baby to different things. The first time, my baby didn't make it very far.

Come on sweet pea! This momma wants you to grow all the way to this!!! I think that is what I will call the little one for now. Sweet pea. Grow baby!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

6 weeks

Today marks another week pregnant for me! Every minute is a blessing. I have a little over a week until my first ultrasound and I am pretty nervous. I am ready for it to be here, but knowing what I could or could not see is scary. Symptoms wise, well I gotta few:

* exhaustion. not even fatigue but just flat out exhaustion all the time.
* starving most of the day
* sore chest
* some queasiness on and off
* visiting the bathroom more often
* preggo brain for sure

Pray for me as I leave on Wednesday of next week to go to Rock Eagle with our fifth graders. I'm afraid fitting in a nap will most likely not happen (-; Praying and hoping that this little bean will stay put and make a nice home for him/herself.

Monday, February 20, 2012

5 weeks 2 days

Feeling really blessed to have typed that up in the Title bar (-: Yes, I am well aware that I have a LONG way to go, but I'm feeling good and hopeful! I am having some symptoms, but nothing too crazy.

* sore chest...very, very sore...
* tired pretty much all the time
* have to use the bathroom it feels like every 10 minutes
* every now and then a twinge of nausea
* hungry every minute of the day

I am still trying to continue with my diet and exercise. I am still exercising 4 days a week and trying to eat healthily. The weekends are harder for eating as healthy as I want to, but I'm doing pretty good! I think the exercise is helping with the fatigue and I feel so much better after leaving the gym. I am so glad that I had five weeks of constant exercise and healthy eating to prepare me for this.

I am still over analyzing and scared at every little cramp or pull, but I know that it is all completely normal and trying to deal with it. Someone asked me the other day if I was letting myself get excited about this pregnancy and I can honestly say that I am not sure when that will happen. 12 weeks? 20 weeks? 24 weeks? Just not sure. We are taking it one day at a time because everyday for me being pregnant is a blessing.

Nick and I are without a kitchen for 3 weeks or so as ours is getting a makeover! It is exciting, but I just hope I can maintain my healthy eating. It is going to take some creativity for sure as of course cooking anything is not an option. Any creative ideas?!? As we speak I have spent most of my day off in the back bedroom with Sadie just relaxing and watching tv. It has been a much needed day of nothingness! Now to get ready to go to the gym in a couple of hours (-:

Friday, February 17, 2012

Beta #3

Beta #1: 48
Beta #2: 500+
Beta #3....


God is good!!! The nurse was so was really sweet (-: The doctor was more than pleased as that is a doubling time of 39 hours. The normal doubling time is 48-72!  No more blood work for me unless I have any bleeding...yay!! I go back March 6th for an ultrasound.  Yep, I'm still scared,  but God is very much in control! Please continue to pray for this pregnancy. I am so thankful for you! You have no idea (-; By the way, I am ABOVE normal for this time in my pregnancy...can you believe that??!?

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Beta #2

Good news!!!

Beta #1- 48
Beta #2 ......

OVER 500!!!!!

God is good and I am trying to be excited/optimistic/happy about this news, but I am so fearful. Doc wants more blood from me tomorrow bc when it is over 2,000 they can do an ultrasound! Oh dear Lord, please help me be able to teach my kiddos tomorrow and not think about that number constantly!!!

He's in control.

It is what it is.

I can do this.

Please pray for me!!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Are you ready for this?!

Are you ready to pray for me again?!?

We were shocked.

This came as a complete surprise.

I found out at only 9 dpo (days past ovulation).

At 12 days past ovulation my HCG was 48. NORMAL!

My progesterone is looking good!

I go back tomorrow for more blood work.

PLEASE say a prayer that I have a great number!

This is my fifth pregnancy for those that don't know and I am freaking out to say the least.

It feels different. I feel great.

Yes, I am still exercising (but being monitored by my trainer and doctor).

I will not lie. I check the toilet paper when I use the restroom, I cringe at every pull in my abdomen.

I am 4 weeks, 2 days.

God, this is Your baby. This is Your pregnancy. Do with it what You will. I am Yours and trust in You fully. I am scared. So, so scared. I want nothing more than to take this baby home, but only if it is Your will. I pray for a peace of mind. I pray for strength. 

Oh, how i need you to pray for me!

Monday, January 30, 2012

What a Day!

Well, it is safe to say that I had a very interesting Monday. Came in to find my friend Liz's room completely covered in sticky notes. (she was pranked by a couple of fifth grade girls. They have been going back and forth doing funny pranks on each's been quite entertaining). As I was about to unlock my classroom door, she told me to come check out the fun. Oh boy was it ever! As I was admiring the handy work of these two girls (that happen to be in my class..), I turned around with my clearly oversized teacher bag and knocked over her coffee...every drop. Poor Liz...she has to have her coffee! I tried to find her some or have someone pick it up, but no such luck. I then went off to get my room set up for a 7am parent meeting. That went fine and ending fairly quickly. One of my boys came in the classroom like a bull in a China shop and knocked over one of my lamps (I don't use the big overhead seizure inducing lights). Glass. Everywhere.

The rest of the day followed about the same. Lots of drama with the kids. We all ended the day talking about what a weird day it had been and hoping tomorrow turns out a little better.

And then there is the fact that I feel like eVeRyOnE around me is pregnant. I just keep waiting for the next announcement. If you are one of those people, please don't worry. I deal with this quite well and enjoy hearing about your pregnancies...I truly do! It's not that I get discouraged, it just brings up the fact that I am not and having issues getting there. No biggie.

On a very positive note today, I am feeling quite hopeful about getting pregnant and staying pregnant. I have always been hopeful, but it just feels so different...and quite close. I mean who knows, it could be years, but for some reason I feel like God is preparing me for something. And I like it. I keep thinking about how I will feel if I get pregnant sooner vs. later and things progress well. I can honestly say as someone who has had quite the tough road with staying pregnant, there will not come a day in my entire pregnancy that I feel "safe." I will always wonder if my baby's heart is beating, analyzing every cramp and pull, and freaking out the minute a symptom slips away. It is just the life of someone that has dealt with infertility.

Regardless where God is leading Nick and I on this path, we are thankful for what we have been through. Trials bring you closer to God. Trials are good. Yes, I said it...trials. are. good.

Thank you Lord for being my Rock. Thank you for the hope that you put in my heart and that I can still praise you in this storm. Even though I may deal with those feelings when pregnancy does happen again, I am thankful that I can turn to you for my every need. Without You I am nothing. Without a baby in my arms I am Yours and will love You still.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Bullet Point Wednesday

I feel like blogging in bullet points today, so here we go!

* I am so proud of my husband! He got another promotion today at work to a larger store AND it is right down the road from our house!! This means more money and he is closer to home (:

* I love my new routine. I complain about it sometimes, but truly I love going to a personal trainer. There is really nothing like it when it comes to exercise and accountability!

* I have been really good with my eating. I am cooking Thrive approved recipes for dinner, having a Thrive approved lunch, but adding in another snack since I am working out so much. I need the extra protein.

* I am thankful for our church. We have joined a new Sunday school class, I have met 2 women that have shared their stories with me about past and present fertility issues, and I was invited to a women's bible study that will meet Tuesday nights! Did I mention two of the girls teach fifth grade?!? God is GOOD...and right on time.

* This time of year at school is stressful. All I think about is upcoming testing, what I will not fit in currriculum wise, and everything that needs to be done around me in my classroom. I am proud of myself though. I now leave school around 3:00 most days!! This is thanks to my new co-worker and BFF @lizkennelly-smith. She's the best and we are blessed to have her (:

* This is the time of the month where I start stressing a little more as I test everyday for ovulation. I am not stressing. I am testing, but not stressing. It feels good.

* I cannot WAIT for my ring to get here! It was too small so it has to be sized. It is already very special to me and I haven't even really worn it yet.

* Fertility issues are still tough, but I am very hopeful as of lately. I mean I have always been hopeful, but it feels different. I have no other choice but to trust in God's perfect plan and his perfect timing.

* Pray for us as I apply for several grants that will help us with our fertility journey if needed. I am trying to get our ducks in a row if in the next several months it is needed.

* I have made 3 recipes from Pinterest and hated them all. I will not give up though! On my next free day I might just make every. single. sweet recipe on my food board. Those recipes are taunting me...and so is my new Paula Deen cookbook that I got for Christmas...

* Tonight I made the BEST Cream Cheese Chicken Chili. SO yummy! I just might post the recipe because it is too good not to share!

*  I love my Kindle Fire. Like I am in LoVe with it! So convenient. So user friendly. Love. Love. Love.

Ok, that's enough for now! I really could keep going, but I will spare you (; 

Sunday, January 15, 2012


I had a great birthday! The day was celebrated at work with my wonderful co-workers and kids. My co-workers surprised me all day long with breakfast from Dunkin Donuts, popcorn and other snacks, my favorite Mexican meal for lunch, and red velvet cake during planning (: I am so thankful to work with such amazing people!!

My kids were super sweet too, giving me hugs and "Happy Birthdays!!" all day long (: They sang me happy birthday twice, made me a huge birthday card that all of the fifth graders signed, and many brought me sweet presents in. I can honestly say it was the best birthday celebration I have ever had at work!

Nick and I went out to eat at Ritter's for dinner later that night. Luckily we waited until later for dinner after a day full of eating yummy stuff! It was really good! He pulled out two jewelry boxes at the table pretty soon after we sat down. He asked me to open a certain one first, and when I did it was a men's ring.


I was super confused but he asked me to read the inside. I couldn't at all because it was super dark so he told me to go ahead and open the second box. It was a pretty girly ring (;  Inside it was engraved with a verse from 1 Samuel. He told me that he didn't want me to think that I was in this whole fertility thing alone, that it was just as important to him as it was to me. In 1 Samuel, Elkanah had two wives. One of his wives Peninnah had children, but his other wife Hannah did not have any. Hannah seemed to have a very private hurt as the scripture does not mention conversations with her husband, but only prayers and that she was anguished and grieving. Nick and I talked about the scripture and how we could relate to it. It was really sweet (:

Yep, that's it! It is so beautiful and means so much to me! We also talked about next steps in our journey to having a child. We have been joking that we should move to one of the states that covers fertility treatments. Did you know that there are many states that will cover up to 6 rounds of IVF if needed?? That's over $120,000!!! For now, I am going to apply for several grants. If we aren't pregnant by the end of spring, we are going to move forward with treatments.

We went to Target after dinner and I also got a Kindle Fire (: I love it!! We also bought a new bedspread with shams, new sheets, a new shower curtain with matching accessories, I got a new pair of pants and gloves, and a few other odds and ends for right at $100! Everything we bought ( - the Kindle..) was on clearance!

I cannot believe next year I will be 30! I am looking forward to my thirties, but it does make me nervous too. I pray that year 29 brings answers and possibly a little one to celebrate 30 with (;

Monday, January 2, 2012

Ok 2012...

Please be nice to me. That is all.

Well, it's official. I went to meet with a personal trainer at Get In Shape For Women and as of Wednesday of this week, I will be working with someone four days a week for the next six weeks, possibly the next year! I could not be more excited!!! It is going to expensive yes, but it is exactly what I need to lose the weight I need to lose. If and when we decide to go the IVF route, I want to be in great physical shape. This is a step in the right direction for sure!

When I went in today, I met with the owner and she walked me through what we would be doing today. I then went through the upper arms circuit and did about 20 minutes of cardio. It is all interval training. You do 30 minutes of strength training and 30 minutes of cardio. I didn't go through the entire workout today, but was able to get a great feel of what it's like.I also had an extensive interview and she made it very clear that they do not take everyone. I told her my fertility issues and how this meant way more to me than just "looking good in a swim suit". After our hour long conversation, she said she could see me in a frame on their wall with my success story (: And I believe that.

I know this is the best option for me because of the accountability and nutrition aspect of it. I have no problem working out! It is not that big of a hassle to me and most of the time I enjoy it! My metabolism is at a slug's pace and I don't eat like I need to. This program will hold me completely accountable for it all...not just working out. I will weigh in once a week for the first month and then once every two weeks after that.

I have to test for pregnancy this week and have mixed emotions about it. Of course I would be thrilled if two lines popped up, but I really, really want this. God is so very much in control and what should be, will be!  I am SO excited about this and ask for your prayers. I know it will be challenging but I am more than ready for it! I have a good feeling about 2012!