Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Adjusting to SAHM-ness

In the back of my mind somewhere in dreamland, I would always envision myself in the future with children and praying that I could have the privilege of staying at home and making that my work place for awhile. When we found out we were pregnant with Avery and as the pregnancy progressed normally, I would think about the fact that I would soon be a working mom. At that time I was starting to struggle in the classroom. Not with my craft, just in my mind with the workload seeming to pile on and having to focus on so much more than just my students. I would joke that I wanted to stay home but knew that the reality of that was slim to none. Nick was working crazy hours and I knew that between both of our schedules it was going to be hard! I was and am still not against sending my child to daycare if that is what needs to happen and I was ready to put Avery into a church daycare setting when she would turn about 13 weeks old.

God had different plans.

You see this whole time that my mind was spinning and worrying and stressing, He was whispering for me to be still and listen. Not only would I not drop Avery off at daycare, I wouldn't return to my classroom with my fifth graders, and I would pack everything up and move to Texas on pure faith to pursue His calling for Nick to be a youth pastor and myself to be a stay at home mom! Holy moly.

And that's where I still am almost a year later..a SAHM. Let me tell you it is NOT easy and brings so many challenges. And I only have one baby. I struggle A LOT. Before I had someone helping me clean my house when I didn't feel like doing it. We had the money to eat out whenever and wherever we wanted to if I didn't want to cook. Now I find myself trying to come up with meal plans and cleaning schedules and throwing them out the door a couple of days later! I can honestly say that I ha a cleaner house when I worked outside of the home full time. Yep, it's true!

Now my living room is a play room and decorated with riding toys, books, blocks and a toy chest. I wouldn't change any of this because with it all comes my precious daughter. I get to watch her change literally every minute of the day. And she changes every day! Learning so many new words and becoming this sweet little toddler that I can watch grow, play with, and love on any time of the day. It's a blessing. A blessing I never thought I would get to have. It is hard, frustrating, and can bring me to tears just like the classroom sometimes would do, but I wouldn't change a thing.

I have no clue what God has planned for my career. Whether he wants me to continue to stay at home, or leads me back to the field of education. All I know is I am so thankful for this time. I am going to try my best to soak up every second. I'm not really worried about finding my groove in the home. I'm just going to try to do the best I can to keep things somewhat tidy, cook for my husband as much as I can, and play with my little girl. Thank you Lord for weaving it into Your perfect plan for my life to give me time at home with my baby!