14 Weeks and NIAW

Well..I have definitely been a slacker with blogging...

I am going to blame it on the fact that I can barely keep my eyes open in the afternoons and at night, and I feel like I will puke as well. This week is National Infertility Awareness Week and I really feel like I need to give it the attention it deserves. I know many of you may be thinking, "But you are not infertile; you're pregnant??" While that is SO very true it took me awhile and a lot of struggle to get here. A common phrase amongst us that have suffered loses and had trouble getting pregnant is, "Once an infertile, always an infertile." 

I will not tell my story again, as most of you know it. If you do not, please go back to the first several posts on this blog and that I will help ya out. I do want to bring to light a couple of other stories. The first is a person that I do not know, but I have read her blog over the past year. Boy has she been through it! Not only has she suffered miscarriage, but has delivered 3 children that did not make it. The first was about a year ago, a little girl she named Ava. She went into labor too early and this little one was too tiny and born too soon to make it. Most recently she has been pregnant with twin girls that she lost at 16 weeks as she went into premature labor and again they were born too soon to make it. Could you imagine? Three babies in a year? What is amazing is that she has the sweetest spirit and is so positive through all of that hurt. My heart has been completely broken for a women that I do not know, and her three babies gone too soon.

I know you make think I am crazy, but I have watched Giuliana and Bill (a reality show on Style I believe) ever since I found out that she too struggled with infertility. There is something that made me connect with her story and I was hooked. Giuliana Rancic is a reporter for E! News by the way...in case you didn't know (-: Giuliana and her husband tried naturally for a few years and then decided to try IUI which failed, and a few rounds of IVF where she did become pregnant but miscarried, and then overstimulated with another cycle. As she was getting ready to try another IVF cycle she found out she had breast cancer and just had a double mastectomy. Right before her surgery, they decided to go with a gestational carrier as it was be extremely dangerous for her to undergo fertility treatments for several years. They happened to have 2 embryos left that they had frozen so were able to go this route. Her surgery was successful and they found out around New Years that the implantation worked and they are pregnant! Well, her surrogate is pregnant with their baby (-: 

These two stories stuck out in my mind this week as I am reflecting on my current blessing and also thinking about the past. Man, I could have had it so much worse. I am no where near out of the woods in my mind. I worry everyday if my baby's heart is still beating and won't really feel better until this little one is crying in my arms. You may think  that is crazy talk, but those feelings are true and probably won't go away. When I decided to "come out" with my story, it was not an easy decision. No one talks about it! I can't tell you how many people have contacted me to thank me for sharing...that it helps them and they hope to share one day. I too was that girl, but something clicked and I knew I had to talk about it publicly. 

I can't believe that here I am, 14 weeks pregnant, and everything is going so well! Of course now i'm freaking out that I said that as I go to the doc tomorrow and of course am nervous about it as usual. I'm just thankful for everyday, every moment, that I am pregnant. To God be the glory.

How am I feeling these days? Praying that I am very close to being able to eat again. Thankfully I feel ok at work and lunch is not much a problem. Breakfast is a bit tricky and dinner is a joke! I am still losing weight as of now, but it won't be too long before that ends I'm sure. My belly is definitely growing and feels very firm. I am still exhausted most of the time, but have felt that ease up a bit. All of my clothes still fit fine and some of my pants are a little loose..I will let you know tomorrow how the little one is doing (-:

If you are reading this blog post and have suffered a loss or are having trouble conceiving, I pray that you will share your story with someone this week. Ask them for their prayers and open up in some way. Even if it is to a husband that may not fully understand how you feel. Just talk about it. Just this once. I think it will help!

Say a prayer for us tonight as we go to check on the babe in the morning (-: