Shot in my bum ):

I went to the doctor yesterday and had to get another shot in my bum. My blood type is RH-Negative and I have to get a shot of Rhogam after a miscarriage so that my body will not fight future pregnancies. Here is some info:

What may happen if I am Rh-negative and pregnant?

If you are Rh-negative, you may develop antibodies to an Rh-positive baby. If a small amount of the baby's blood mixes with your blood, which often happens, your body may respond as if it were allergic to the baby. Your body may make antibodies to the Rh antigens in the baby's blood. This means you have become sensitized and your antibodies can cross the placenta and attack your baby's blood. They break down the fetus's red blood cells and produce anemia (the blood has a low number of red blood cells). This condition is called hemolytic disease or hemolytic anemia. It can become severe enough to cause serious illness, brain damage, or even death in the fetus or newborn.
Sensitization can occur any time the fetus's blood mixes with the mother's blood. It can occur if an Rh-negative woman has had:

• A miscarriage
• An induced abortion or menstrual extraction
• An ectopic pregnancy
• Chorionic villus sampling
• A blood transfusion

Rh-negative women should also receive treatment after any miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, or induced abortion to prevent any chance of the woman developing antibodies that would attack a future Rh-positive baby.

I also had my blood checked again to make sure my levels were going down. I received a phone call today from the doc saying that my levels were at 4.2! That is good news! My levels need to go back to zero and should within the next couple of days. The nurse once again urged us not to get pregnant until we have another consultation with Dr. Mitchell. We are going to make an appointment next week when Nick gets his work schedule. I am very excited to learn her plan (: I am feeling "back to normal" and still very hopeful for the future. Again, God has a plan!

Nick and I have been talking about adoption lately. This is something that we will financially not be able to do for another 4-5 years. We are thinking of doing some fund raising and starting to set aside money of our own! To adopt through a local agency here in Marietta, it runs around $30,000 total. It is something we would like to do in several years, Lord willing!

On another note:

1. My job is stressful.

2. I am so thankful for sweet friends during hard times.

3. I want a mountain weekend full of festivals and apple picking.

4. I am thankful for my husband's new job and proud of him!!

That is all (: Have a great week!

Miscarriage #3

I mentioned in a previous post that I was diagnosed with a blood clotting mutation in which I require extra folic acid. With this news came the fact that I have probably had miscarriages that I didn't know I was having known as early miscarriages where you may be a day or two late for your period, but actually miscarrying.

Well today officially marks the third miscarriage that I know of. My doctor asked me to call by Wednesday if I had not started bleeding by then. I called and left a message because I wasn't even spotting then. Thursday I began to spot a little and today I actually passed tissue and knew what was going on. What is sad to me about the whole thing is that I have only been able to be and feel pregnant for 10 weeks. My first pregnancy only held on for that long. Now I am riding the physical and emotional rollercoaster of my hormones returning to normal and bleeding quite heavily.

I so want to be and feel pregnant for 40 weeks. Not 6, 7, or 10...40 full weeks. I don't care if I puke everyday, all day, the entire time

Bring. it. on.

People that have been pregnant will read this and say, "Oh, that's what she says now, wait till it happens!" Not true. At all. Until you have experienced this several times and want it as bad as Nick and I do, you won't be able to understand.

 I will puke my guts out, have horrible heartburn, and fall asleep by 7:00 pm. Have my lower back feel like it is going to fall off, lose my mind from pregnancy brain, breakout with "pregnancy acne" and gain 50 pounds. Have headaches everyday and my chest so sore that it hurts cotton to touch it. Joyfully and willingly I will go through it all to carry a healthy child for 40 weeks.

When I do become pregnant again, and this time carry a baby longer than 10 weeks. you have FULL permission to put me in check if I ever complain about how I feel. Promise.

Bring it on. All of it.

And the journey continues..

I can honestly say that God is wrapping me in His arms and I am feeling so much peace right now. I did my fair share of crying and thinking the most negative thoughts ever yesterday, like "What is wrong with me", and "I don't think I can do this anymore", but those have hence subsided and I have realized more than ever that I these trials are for a reason. Nick came home from work last night and shared with me that a man that he works with told him his wife had 5 miscarriages before they had their first child. It is hard to think that I could go through 2 more before I deliver a child. I can tell you this though, I will share it with you the whole way.

I can't even begin to tell you how many others from countries all over the world have contacted me to thank me for sharing my story. What. A. Blessing.  Just to think that so many are reading this simple little blog and able to get something out of it is crazy to me. It's just little ole' me putting these feelings out for the world to see. I am so thankful though. Thank you for reading.

So how am I feeling today?  Pregnant. Of course I wake up today with my chest hurting WAY more than it was the day before, nauseous, and exhausted. I just keep telling myself that the symptoms will reside eventually. Just pray that my numbers fall like they should and my cycle goes back to normal quickly. Some were confused when I said yesterday that the doctor did not want me to try on my own anymore. This is exactly what the nurse said to me yesterday:

"Kristen, I am calling with bad news today. Your numbers dropped about 100 points from Thursday. Dr. Mitchell wants you to stop the Progesterone and call if you haven't started bleeding in two days." I then proceeded to tell her that I was used to this process and she said: "This is something you should never have to get used to and we are going to get you a happy and healthy baby soon. For now, do your best to not get pregnant. You need to come back next Thursday and we will repeat the bloodwork to check your levels again. Dr. Mitchell wants to meet with you guys to come up with a plan for getting you safely pregnant."

She was incredibly caring over the phone and I certainly did not feel like another infertility patient. They are just wonderful. So the plan is to set up an appointment soon to come up with our "plan". I am not quite sure what that means yet, but we will see. I trust her and I trust God.

Again, I am so thankful for friends and even complete strangers like you that care enough to read and pray for Nick and I. You have NO idea what that means to us! We will figure this out, one day at a time (;

Pregnancy Update 5

Unfortunately I was called with not so good news today. My levels dropped about 100 points ): Looks like I am having yet another miscarriage. The doctor recommends that I stop the progesterone treatment and just wait. I have to go back in 10 days to repeat the blood work to make sure my levels are back to normal or heading there and the doctor wants me to come in and make a plan on how to get me pregnant and stay pregnant. I was instructed not to try it on my own anymore..whatever that means.

I am not sure what to think or feel at this point. I need some time to think, reflect, and just cry. Thank you so much for your prayers!! I have truly felt them and please continue to pray Nick and I through this journey. God has a plan.

Could you truly say you were blessed in a time like this? Think about that. I know I can.

Pregnancy Update 4

So..my brain cannot seem to function properly these days. I am SO forgetful and just doing very silly things. For instance, my students were having their specials time at P.E. When it was time to pick them up, I proceeded to walk myself down to music then realized as I approached the door that my students were all the way across the school at P.E. Today my alarm went off at 4:45 like usual. Instead of snoozing the alarm for ten more minutes like I do every. day., I instead set it for 6:30?!? Was I dreaming that 6:30 was the time I should get up?!? Well, it put me late to my appointment and late to school and in CRAZY traffic!

Anyway, to the good stuff (: I was able to waltz right in to the doctor's office and be out within 10 minutes. So lovely! I always call at 12:30 and leave a message to let them know I am still waiting for my results (; I usually receive a call very quickly after that but did not today. They did not call until 4:20! I was growing evermore impatient and my little mind began to worry a bit!

She called to say that my numbers quadrupled!! That's right..they are moving in the right direction. BUT, my progesterone is still low. I get to once again be put on a new medication. Can't remember what it's called but it starts with a C. Sorry, I know that's not much help. For those of you that may not know, Progesterone plays a very important role in pregnancy. Every month your lining around your uterus will either shed and you will get your period, or it will thicken because you have become pregnant and your rising progesterone levels will keep it in tact. If you have low progesterone like me, you have repeated miscarriages because your lining sheds prematurely. So, I will start this new medication that hopefully will help this issue. I am just so thankful to be feeling pregnant and welcome every little symptom (:

I go back once again on Monday for more blood work! This is getting to be quite tedious but if it means I have to go throughout my whole pregnancy to monitor things, I will do it. I am thankful to work with an administration and teammates that fully understand and have been so supportive. So blessed!

Thank again for the hugs, prayers, letters, and emails! I am so thankful for all of you! (And if you are tired of hearing that, get over it (;..)

POAS Addict

Sorry for the blurry picture but I just wanted to make a note of this one (: Probably the darkest pregnancy test I have ever had! So I needed to document it. I think I might be a POAS addict. (Pee on a stick) I guess because my pregnancies haven't lasted very long in the past, it makes me want to see that I am pregnant on that little test. Silly, I know. Ok, that is all. I will update after my blood work on Thursday! Have a great week (:

Oh, and please keep praying (;

Pregnancy Update 3

Well friends, I went back to the doc this morning bright and early (got there at 6:45) to get my betas checked again. When I pulled into the parking lot (half asleep..), I was able to get a great parking spot! When I looked at the sign in front it said "Expecting Mothers". I honestly started to back up and move when I realized that, "Hey! That's ME!" I pulled right in there and off I went. It is honestly just weird for me to feel like that right now because I am in such a limbo, ya know?

So I waited very impatiently all day for the doctor to call (ask my co-workers), and finally at dismissal when it is seriously a mad house of writing down homework, passing out graded papers, giving them last minute reminders, and watching each child little by little scurry off to the appropriate place...my doctor calls. I very sternly asked my kids to PLEASE be quiet so that I could take a very important phone call. They were so sweet and did just as I asked so I could talk to the doctor in private. To my surprise my numbers have TRIPLED! That's right..amongst the bleeding this weekend, my numbers are continuing to rise as they are supposed to. I was honestly shocked. The nurse was so sweet and so optimisic (which I am not used to). I told her I was still bleeding and she said not to worry unless it gets very heavy AND I am in alot of pain. They two must be together. So here I am, in another waiting period (:

I go back to the doc on Thursday for once again more blood work. I think I will ask for an ultrasound for the next week to see if there is "something there". I seriously don't know how to feel. I am happy, scared, anxious, and optimistic all the same. I want more than anything for this pregnancy to last the entire 40 weeks and deliver a healthy baby. But if it doesn't, I need to be secure in my faith and know that God is in control. Miscarriage or healthy baby, He is in control. I know I say this alot but I need to remind myself frequently as we all do.

PLEASE continue to pray for me and this little bean growing! I know I am asking for your prayers, but I also know that God is listening to all of them! Thank you again and again for your continued support! You truly have been inspiring to me.

Here are the pregnancy tests I took!

Pregnancy Update 2

Today I am bleeding..a lot. I can't imagine that I am not miscarrying as I know my body and have been through this a few times. I have no cramping or pain, just feels uncomfortable. I will still follow doctor's orders and stay off of my feet and continue with the meds. I go back Monday for more blood work so they will be able to tell by my numbers anyway. Thank you for the love, support, and prayers. I have truly felt them all! Continue to pray! Please know that I emotionally try and prepare myself for this to happen each time. God will not put me through something I can't handle..I have His strength and go to Him with my burdens. He is always sufficient for my every need. Obviously, this is not the outcome we want, but we don't know best. If I am miscarrying, we will just pick up from where we left off and keep trying!! His plan is perfect!

Pregnancy Update!

So let me just break down the night and day for you. Last night I didn't really sleep at all. I was up feeling sick and dizzy most of the night. Pregnancy? Hormones? I am not sure at this point as the symptoms for all of them intertwine frequently. This morning at 7 I went to the doctor and had my blood taken and rushed off to my fifth graders who are starting to notice something is up with "Mrs. Richie". I started to have a little back ache around 9 and noticed that I was bleeding a little. I tried to stay off of my feet as much as possible!  I had no cramping or anything like that.

At recess today around 12 I finally heard from the doctor! My levels are going UP! YAY! They said they are "cautiously optimistic" and that I am to stay off of my feet all weekend. I told them about the bleeding and she didn't seem a bit concerned (which was weird). They increased my Prometrium to 400 mg a day to try and stop the bleeding. I called my husband and he very sweetly went home to bring me my medicine so that I could start right away. I took 200 mg at about 1:45 and another one just now. Feeling just a little dizzy!!

Needless to say, I couldn't be MORE thankful for the phone calls, cards, texts, emails, and facebook posts that have really helped me get through this week. Just knowing that so many are praying means so much! I have decided that I too will be cautiously optimistic instead of thinking the worst will happen because it always does. If I miscarry this baby I know that strength from the Lord will come as it has before and I will get through it again! If God decides to defy the odds and show us all who is in charge, I will take that too (; Either way He is completely sovereign and I trust His perfect plan and timing in all things.

Please keep the prayers coming!!!

Here we go again folks!

Well, I have some news to share. I am pregnant. Here's the story..

I was supposed to start my period on Sunday or Monday. I started testing on Thursday of last week and had all negative tests through Sunday. I tested Monday morning as I was feeling my period was well on it's way, and there it was. I was a bit in shock and called Nick in to have a look at the positive test I saw in front of my eyes. Then I got scared. real scared. The thoughts and the "what if's" entered in quickly. I called my fertility specialist first thing this morning and left work to go have blood work done. I did not get to speak with my doctor but I did see her. A couple came in with their brand new baby to take pictures with Dr. Mitchell. It was so sweet. I couldn't help but think that I couldn't wait for that to be Nick and I. Then my brain REALLY started playing tricks on me. I just thought about how this could end and what has happened in the past and how I couldn't possibly go through another miscarriage.

This afternoon at around 3:30 I got the call from my doctor. They wanted to know about my cycle and when I would have ovulated and so on. She said my levels were low...but how low? Pretty darn low. My HCG is 8.6 and my progesterone is in the "lower" range but nothng alarming. So now I play the waiting game. Mind you this is my 3rd time playing this game so I am pretty familiar with it. I will go back Friday for more blood work that will be very telling...either the pregnancy will sustain, or not. My doctor increased my Prometrium (to up my progesterone levels) and we just pray that my HCG doubles like it should every 48 hours or so.

So what do I need from you? I need you to pray. I need you to remember that I have to think about this for the next 3 days as I try to focus my mind on teaching my sweet kids. I need you to pray for strengh and faith, that I will trust in God and accept His will as it comes. He is in control. I want this to be the one, but if it is not, I need to be ok with that and keep on keepin' on. Thank you so much for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. You truly do not know how much it means to me! It is not easy to put all of this out there. I have learned through this experience that hiding it doesn't help me, it just hurts even more.

Miscarriage

Still playing a waiting game for this month and NO I haven't miscarried again. I just wanted to shed some light on this tragic process. Not many women talk about their miscarriages when they have them. It is a very private hurt. Yes, your husband is upset too but you feel the pain in many more ways. I thought I would take the time and give some insight on miscarrying.

1. Like I said above...this is a VERY private hurt. Yes you tell others, people know and are sorry, but emotionally and physically it is heart wrenching and a deep down hurt like you have never experienced.

2. Your husband is so sad for you but is even more insecure on how to be there for you. If you have a good one like I do, he is understanding when you are tearful and holds your hand through the physical pain.

3. There is physical pain. With my first, I literally had contractions for nearly 10 hours. I went through a "mini labor", which is the way my doctor described it. It was so physically painful which just increased the emotional part of ten fold. When I went to the doctor a couple days after, he explained the process to me and I was blown away.

4. Sometimes you have to have surgery to remove the fetus. If your body does not do its job on its own, you have to have a procedure either at your OBGYN office or the hospital depending on how far along you are.

5. It is losing a child. I am not sure how many miscarriages I have had, I only know of the two that were "caught". I do know that I knew I was pregnant with a child both of those times and from the day you find out, you dream of what it will be like to hold that baby. No, I never got to meet those babies but I do believe that miscarriage is losing a child no matter how far along you were. 9 days or 9 months...all the same.

6. Nearly 25% of recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage. This does not count the ones that may be unknown at the time.

7. Miscarriage is an uncomfortable topic for our society. There is such a silence over miscarriage that it can in return greatly affect the mother. Not many know this. It is important to talk about these things, as there are SO many that experience it. Why are we so silent about it?

Talk about it. Share your experience. Those of us that have went through it NEED to hear that others are out there. Pray for those that have lost a baby. The pain lingers...and then lingers some more.