Wednesday, December 28, 2011

An Anniversary

I tried to post 3 times yesterday, but failed miserably. I think I was just too relaxed (; I am LOVING my time off and decided I would be way skinnier if I didn't work. I have worked out three times this week and it hasn't been something I dread but the exact opposite! I have really enjoyed it. Doesn't hurt that two of those workouts have been Zumba in the Dark. Just picture a dark room, disco lights, and lots of ladies dancing away. Tons of fun!

Yesterday marked 2 years since the first time I found out I was pregnant. I remember having three of my  best friends over for a little Christmas get together, eating, laughing, and exchanging gifts. After talking with one of my dearest friends, and after much conversation that led to the fact that I was late for my period, made me realize that I was pretty sure I was pregnant. Just a couple weeks before, I had a slight fever and felt yucky, just felt off, and was really nauseous the morning I had my friends over. I promised her I would take a test in the morning and text her with the results. Shockingly enough, those two lines appeared right away. WHAT?? Nick and I weren't going to start trying for a couple more months?? Could we be this lucky? Eight or so preggo tests later and a visit to a doc in the box for another pee test, it was true.

I was pregnant.

We were SO excited! Of course my mother knew the minute I took the test and then we decided to tell other family members soon after. Nick made a fortune cookie that he took to the Chinese restaurant with his family that said something to the effect that their would be a new addition to the family. My dad, stepmom, and grandma came down and we told them as well and made a few more phone calls that night to family members. Without going into too much more detail, our first appointment at a little over 6 weeks was inconclusive as everything was in place but a heartbeat and they wanted me to come back in a week.

A week later, a little over 7 weeks pregnant, we went for another ultrasound and still no heartbeat. The doctor wanted to see me the following Monday, but told me that I could miscarry at any point and he didn't have much hope for this pregnancy. Just a few short hours later, I started to bleed and miscarried later into the night. It was horrible. Painful. Devastating.

Now here we are two years and three more miscarriages later. It is truly hard to believe that time has passed so fast. I remember thinking last year as I approached 2011 that I was so over 2010 and ready for a new year. I was very hopeful for what this year could bring and wanted so badly to have a successful pregnancy. In just a few short days we will enter into 2012 and I don't know what to think. Coming home from Zumba I thought hard about my feelings and what I hoped that this new year would bring. I just don't know.

I have so much faith and hope inside of me, don't get me wrong. I just don't want to be disappointed, ya know?  So I will hope for God's will for our lives, that we will seek Him with every decision, and find joy in all situations. For now, that's all I know to do. I think that's enough too (:

Pray for Nick and I as we make some tough financial decisions and possibly move on in this journey of having a child. I also pray that if it is God's will, we conceive on our own.

Happy New Year!

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